Saturday 9th December 2017

I’m not going to lie, I’m actually glad that this was the last tournament this year.
I’m not sure if it’s the pressure of tournament or that I’m not getting enough time to mentally and  physically recover, but as the tournament has gone on I’ve done progressively worse.
The thing is, I didn’t think that I’d done that bad today.  My head felt good having convinced myself that the plan for today was to screw the league, screw the competition and just work on going out with a bang and some decent fencing.  I’ve been working all year on being a more offensive fighter, and so what I really wanted out of today was to be able to walk away from it, whatever the result, feeling that I was controlling the fight.
And I felt I did that.  I felt I kept my cool, kept my focus and fenced well.  During the actual tournament I didn’t feel that stressed, and I certainly wasn’t worrying about the league.
I won 3, lost 2, but the three I won I won by points cap.  I wasn’t sure whether I’d got through but I was pretty certain given all the factors that I was second in my pool.
Except I didn’t go through but Christophe (also in my pool) did.  I’m a little confused about this.  We both won 3 and lost 2, but I capped all my fights by a decent margin (including 1 that was at least 10-1), we think we had the same number of doubles, and in our fight I beat him.  By every calculation I can think of, I should have gone through and not him.
I didn’t make a fuss because, it’s very easy in the heat of the moment, to overlook something or miscalculated, but the more I think about it, the more I think something was recorded wrong.
Now there’s part of me that’s asking myself whether I’m just trying to find something to blame when I do badly?  The doubles threw me last time, the cutting people caused me problems the time before.  Except I’m pretty sure I’m not.  I’m trying to understand why  I’m not succeeding so that I can try and address it.
I don’t want to take anything away from Christophe.  He fought well and I’m happy for him.  I’m also aware that tournaments bring out everyone’s inner dick.  But today has just left me feeling flat.
A lot of my current state of mind is just going to be exhaustion.  Stewart worked out his fencing today used 6000 calories, and whilst he was in more competitions than me, that’s the equivalent of a marathon.  However, some of my current state of mind, is genuinely feeling fed up and frustrated.
I really didn’t want to stay around but as I’d travelled up with Josh and we’d pre-booked food, I couldn’t easily get away.  Luckily both Stewart and Josh didn’t want to stay so we got away relatively early  (Stewart even very kindly upgraded us to First Class on the way back home).
So, maybe I was offensive in my fights, but the fact that there’s a question mark on how someone I’m pretty sure did worse than me went through, I finish the day a bit pissed off with swordfighting.  I’m sure I’ll get over it in time, but for now all I really want is a break.
If you want to follow more of my journey, then be sure to check me on my social channels.  Likewise, if you’d like me to expand on any point mentioned above, please say so in the comments.

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