Friday 3rd March 2017

Today, I had a bit of an epiphany.
It’s that the fact that people are, by nature, contradictions.  If they are x, then at exactly the same time they are also the polar opposite.  If they are confident, then it is because they are also terribly insecure.  If they say they are scared, they are also incredibly brave.  Whilst this thought isn’t something entirely new, it’s the fact that at any one instance people are exact polar opposites that interests me.  Life is a constant struggle between extremes to find some equilibrium point.
I’m quite excited about this as I’m going to take this knowledge into writing characters in short stories later this year and see if it makes for something really, really interesting.
I had a great day today.  I definitely felt less fatigued today.  I got more work done which was good for my conscious but I really wish I could understand it better so I can spot it when it happens.  Had a word with people at the day job about this.  He seems fine at the moment, but honestly if he does kick off, I really don’t care.  Having a diagnosis is a bit of a validation that I’ve actually been ill.  What I want now is to better understand it, because I think everything I’ve been doing over the last year has been a benefit but I’m not always sure how.
This year is proving so weird in so many ways. I was feeling insecure about something personal which today proved totally untrue and left me laughing at how crazy my life.  I think having worries about whether there are long-term impacts of my illness has made me face elements of my mortality and strip away a lot of the bullshit.  It’s quite validating that, when faced with a minor health scare, my first thought is that all I want to do is write.  I also know that the uncertainty would have crushed lesser people.  Instead I channelled it and didn’t let it stop me.  I’m quite proud how I’ve handled that internal struggle these past few weeks.
I’m so excited about the years to come as a result.  I think it’ll be far from easy but everything that’s happened this year feels like jigsaw pieces slowly moving into place.  I can’t say that I KNOW what’s coming, but I have a very good idea.
As I wrote today when someone posted a meme about the God of Death:  What do we say to the God of Death?  You better come heavily armed.  And bring friends.
I listened to another short story today.  Two days in a row now… this will not last, but given that I’ve run out of youtube videos I usually watch audio short stories are the perfect length to listen to whilst I eat lunch.  I liked this story more but I was left, as I often am with short story, wondering what was actually revealed to me.  I think short stories are often very subtle and as a result I miss some of the detail in them.  But then, this is why I’m listening and reading a lot of stories before I submit.
I had a bit of a score at Tesco’s this evening.  Doing my weekly food shop I saw on their bargain electronics table a pair of Beats Headphones.  I currently use a pair of Skullcandy Uproar wireless.  I like them but I’m interested in getting a better pair.
So I was surprised to see that this pair of red beats solo 2 were priced at £29.95.  Surely it’s a mistake, I think.  I must have confused this pair of discount headphones with those really expensive brands I looked at a few months ago.  I did some surfing online whilst holding the box in my hand (lest someone else nab it) and by all accounts it was at least £100 saving.
I can afford to lose £30 I think.  Yes, they’re wired, but if nothing else, it’ll tell me if I like the fit and the sound quality.  I know some people hate that Beats are overpriced but as I later said to a friend, Sennheiser are superbly overpriced too.
But by all accounts I’ve not saved myself £100 but £150.    Given everything else that happened today it makes today one of the best day’s ever.  That’s despite me worrying over the lack of proper information over my diagnosis and knowing how serious my illness is.
Like I said, people are contradictions.
If you want to follow more of my journey, then be sure to check me on my social channels.  Likewise, if you’d like me to expand on any point mentioned above, please say so in the comments.
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