Pre-Tournament Nerves – The Climb #237

Friday 15^th September 2017

By the time you read this, I’ll be fighting, as I have a big tournament tomorrow.
I’ve been in an odd mood about this tournament. Whereas I’ve known about Astolat and Fightcamp all year, the tournament tomorrow has only come about in the last few weeks. And after doing better than expected at both of those competitions there’s part of me that feels like I’m overdue a disappointment.
As a result, I’ve spent the whole day trying to psyche myself up. I feel ill and I’m not sure if it’s nerves or I’m coming down with something. I remind myself that I got to the semi-finals at Fightcamp with heat stroke. I remind myself that I’ve walked 26 miles with a 6” hole in my leg. No matter how ill I am, I’ll still be able to fight.
However, I want to win it. I want a medal.
The fighters who frighten me are my friends. They know my moves, they know my weaknesses. They can defeat me even when I’m at my best.
It’s also a different scoring system and so I’m a little worried that it’ll work against me.
And yet…
I train harder than all of them. I’ve improved more than any of them. I can keep going longer than any of them. I know all their moves as well. Fightcamp saw a number of people say they saw my fencing step up… and in sparring I’ve improved so much since that I’m getting consistent hits on the world’s best.
I’ve watched videos of the absolute best fighting rapier & dagger tonight. They don’t look that scary.
The only thing holding me back is my confidence in myself.
Tomorrow evening will be the time for humility. I will celebrate or commiserate with my friends. But from now until then, it’s time for supreme confidence.
I will bring the fire, as I have done. I will an absolute juggernaut of speed, power and technique. I fight better under pressure. Because I am a fighter at heart. It took me years to realise it. I’m going to show some people just how much.
I can’t get myself angry. I can’t fight angry, it just clouds my head. Instead, I fight something much more scary. I fight calm. I’ll control my breathing, I will not dance around. I will go out into the ring and own it. And should anyone be brave enough to step in there with me, we shall clash blades and sees which of us truly belongs in that ring.
I’m going to bed early, going to try and sweat any illness out of me… because tomorrow is judgement day. Tomorrow I fight!
If you want to follow more of my journey, then be sure to check me on my social channels. Likewise, if you’d like me to expand on any point mentioned above, please say so in the comments.