Personal Milestones – The Climb #263

Wednesday 11^th October 2017

I make a lot of long term plans. These can be connected with my writing career, my health or even my own personal development. And if I possess one skill, it’s that I deliver on those plans.
Behind that is nothing complex. Each large goal is a lot of smaller goals, milestones if you like. And I beaver away at each of those milestones, not worrying how long it takes me or whether I can see progress or not. Because, sooner or later, those milestones will be reached and I’ll be one step closer to my overall goals.
Perhaps then, if I do possess any special sort of skill… it’s being able to see impossible tasks as a collection of next to impossible sub-tasks or milestones. I’ve learnt over the years to make sure that milestones are things that do not rely on other people. I can only control the things I control.
And so I reached a milestone in my personal development today after years of work. It’s a small personal thing, not something I want to discuss here, but the ‘what’ is unimportant. What’s important is that whilst this has taken a long time, I’ve continued to work towards it as I promised myself all those years ago.
And I should feel glad but I’m very much a mix of emotions right now. I think this will pay dividens for my writing career down the road, but at the moment I’m full of doubt and worry. I’ve been incredibly stressed these past 6 weeks, due to a multitude of factors, and in many ways, I’m really ready for my trip.
Tomorrow I go to Romania for a long weekend. I’m going as part of School of the Sword to a HEMA event out there where Pim is going to teach and I am going to be his ‘glamourous assistant’. I’ve been super-excited about it for weeks now. Romania isn’t the type of place I’d ordinarily visit but an all-expenses paid trip is too good to miss out on.
Whilst I won’t be fighting in any tournaments, there is going to be a longsword tournament for participants, of which I have offered my services to judge. I’m a little worried about it because it has a seemingly complex scoring system and I worry I’ll fuck up.
Still, if people are going to be good enough to fly me out, the least I can do is earn my keep. Pim hopes there’ll be a lot of time for fencing which would be good as Swordfish is looming and a lot of sparring would be the equivalent of 1-to-1 coaching.
I’m going to need that if I hope to do well at Wessex League. Matt’s been fencing really well, and I’m really worried that the calibre of fighters will mean that I’ll miss out on medals (and possibly vital league points).
It’s just another little worry I’ve had on my shoulders for weeks. But this trip has come along at just the right time. I can hit my milestone and then run away to Romania for a few days. I hope being a bit removed for a time will give me perspective, but as much as I know my plans are right… there’s part of me that feels today’s milestone is just a self-destructive action.
I’m hoping when I return home on Monday, time & distance will have given me some clarity. Until then, I’ll remind myself that this is the plan. This has always been the plan.
If you want to follow more of my journey, then be sure to check me on my social channels. Likewise, if you’d like me to expand on any point mentioned above, please say so in the comments.