Returning Home – The Climb #268

Monday 16^th October 2017

Today I came home from Romania.
I couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was dehydration from the alcohol or maybe it was the fact that I was sad to bereturning home. We had to be up and out at 5:30am so when I woke around 4:30am I found myself getting up to repack my case (because I’d stupidly put my bottle of cognac in my hand luggage)
I’ve really had such a great weekend. It stopped me thinking of stresses back home. But today was the day I needed to return to reality and the mess I’d left.
We had a little trouble checking our bags that resulted in me going up in an elevator to a private x-ray machine. They only wanted one of us, and as stupid as it sounds, I volunteered without thinking twice. Who knew what they wanted? I joked when I came back that I got a full cavity search.
We had breakfast, then panicked when we realised they’d announced last call for our flight, only to stop panicking when we realised the gate was right by where we’d been sitting eating breakfast.
It felt like a long flight. I spent most of it listening to music but it seemed especially long as they announced their descent and then seemed to spend an hour landing. Arrivals was pretty uneventful and then it was time to say goodbye to Pim as he went to pick his car from the long stay and I headed to the bus to the offsite parking.
I got home around midday and soon went out grocery shopping. I then spent the afternoon working on back issues of The Climb that I’d not been able to publish whilst away. I got most of them done before I went to cook the evening meal.
I’d been debating whether to go to training tonight. On one hand, I have a load of competitions in the next few weeks and need plenty of practise, but I was also in a weird mood.
I learnt many years ago that you can’t force people to act a certain way. It can suck but you can’t change it, and if you try you just make the situation worse.
I don’t like drama, and I hate that personal issues have caused me to be the source of potential drama. Of course, if everyone acted as I wanted then there’d be no drama.
This is one of the reasons I like writing. You can make your characters do what you want. If only life was so easy. It would save so much strife.
As a result, I really didn’t want to run into someone. A combination of an awesome weekend, worries and lack of sleep had made me really down, and when I’m like that, sometimes the best option is for me to just not be around people.
However, the fact I have tournaments in just a few weeks won out and I headed to training. Normally, training does a good job of taking my mind off things, but whilst I felt I had a good session, by the end of the night I’d retreated so much into myself it was really noticable.
Luckily, the person concerned had a word with me in private afterwards. Part of me appreciated it, but another part of me wanted to scream at them.
I think I’m going to go easy on myself this week. I really need to get back on with the edits of book 2 but now’s the time to be kind to myself. I really need to start getting my head back into tournament mode, especially with the next Wessex League competition taking place next week. I feel woefully unprepared and can think of a handful of people who are going to do well.
Given my success last month I find I’m putting pressure on myself to do well. Even with Swordfish, I’m secretly hoping I can do well.
I need to spend this week sorting out my head to ensure that come Wessex my expectations are as laser-focused as my determination.
Hopefully a few more days of reality then I’ll be over this current mental slump I find myself in.
If you want to follow more of my journey, then be sure to check me on my social channels. Likewise, if you’d like me to expand on any point mentioned above, please say so in the comments.