Sunday 13th August 2017

I hurt.  I really, really hurt.
My left elbow is starting to turn black after my semi-final fight on Friday, and my right forearm is equally swollen.  My right arm is also feeling the aches from constantly holding a sword.
But it’s not just the injuries from fighting.  I feel boiled on the inside.  I break out in sweats and shivers as my body struggles to handle the fact that I don’t seem to sweat properly.  The area around my eyes burns not so much with bad sunburn but a feeling as if I’d stuck that skin on a cooking ring.  My stomach is a mess, and my legs are swollen.
It was totally worth it though.
Today’s first tournament was the melee.  This is where 5 fighters go against another 5.  It’s a bit of fun really.  I nicknamed it The Hangover Games over the weekend.  Whilst some teams were taking it very seriously, I was treating it as a bit of practise against longsworders.  We won our first fight which amazed me more than anyone, but our second round was against the eventual winners and they kicked our arse.
I was wanting to do well in the sword & buckler today, and given everything, I was feeling in a good place mentally.
I was in a pool with Dan.  Given that Fran had dropped out, it meant we were the only pool with two SOTS people in.  As I said, knowing our luck, we’d double each other out and let someone else through.
The sun had come out, which was a nightmare for me.  I threw my hoodie over my head and made sure I drank water constantly.  I could still feel myself overheating though, even when I was judging without any swordfighting kit on.  But at least I didn’t get heatstroke this time (or at least not as bad)
It seemed that all the longsworders had abandoned longsword for sword & buckler … or rather longsword and buckler.  It made them difficult to fight as they were trying to do longsword technique.
I trusted in my buckler.    My defence is good, I told myself.  Plus, it’s one thing the longsworders having a buckler, it’s another thing using it.
I think I fought well.  My head was in the fight.  But I thought another fighter was doing better.  If I’m annoyed at anything it was my last fight.  It was against a longsworder who just came in hard.  The scar across my gut is testament to that.  He got in fast and low and I’d afterblow him but it meant I didn’t get a lot of points.  As a result, I was pretty sure at the end I’d not got through.
I thought the other fighter who I deemed to being doing better had got it, so it was quite nice when it was Dan who ended up top.  I mean, I’m gutted that I came 3rd, 1 point behind that other fighter.  I’m sure if my last fight had been better I might have snuck it, or come a very close 2nd.  But I was very pleased for Dan and the fact that the glory did seem to be spread amongst the whole group this weekend.
Given that Matt and Steve didn’t get through either, I didn’t feel too bad, and was 100% rooting for Dan and Dave Young (who although ex-SOTS was hanging around us all weekend)
Dan & Dave went out in the semi-finals (just like me) but Masha made it through and fought like a demon to get silver.  I thought she was fighting well last Sunday but she was totally on fire today.
I was very excitable today.  In part it was tiredness, partly it was to take my mind off the various aches.  But I noted that along with it came an increased social anxiety.  I felt I was being too loud, too annoying, maybe taking banter a bit too far.  I noticed it more as the day wore on and I got more overheated and worn out.  By the time I was driving home, I felt like I wanted to climb into a hole and be away from people.
Perhaps I only notice this because I’ve spent a lot of time in my own head this weekend, trying to work out my psyche and manipulate it ready for competition.  Maybe I’m just tired and mentally worn down by it all.  I figure a good sleep and I’ll feel a lot better.
But there’s a part of me today that feels I need to be quieter.  I’ve had to do a lot to up my confidence of late and with that has come of some of the bravado.  I’m just not sure if that’s annoying or fun.
I’m currently feeling like I should now scale it back, and focus on the fights at hand.  I feel I’ve proved myself this weekend and shown progress.
Next week I step things up ready for the Wessex League.  I do that feeling good about my fighting.  A year ago, I left Fightcamp utterly frustrated at my lack of progress.  This year, I leave having not only shown progress to myself but those around me as well.
I returned home to a celebratory Chinese and near total exhaustion but I plan to go to training tomorrow.  Because I know that progress is made when you show up and others don’t.
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