Warcraft Wednesday – The Climb #656

Wednesday 9^th December 2020

Wednesday is my allocated Warcraft day for a number of reasons. First, and foremost, I like the alliteration. But also, it’s the weekly reset day for Europe. That means, weekly quests reset on a Wednesday; patches tend to roll out on a Wednesday.

After a couple of solid weeks playing the new expansion during my WoWcation I wasn’t feeling burnt out. Obviously I don’t want to be totally burnt out on Warcraft but I do want to get to a stage where it’s not the primary thing I want to do. Ideally, I want to be grinding slightly boring, yet ultimately rewarding tasks, so I switch between that and writing. When I’ve been in that state in the past I’ve been really, really productive.

But, with a new week, and in need of a few more ilevels before I’m meeting the minimum levels required to take part in the raid on Sunday, I put a lot of focus on Warcraft today. There were weekly quests that needed doing, as well as a couple of story quests – one I left over from last week hoping it would reward me anima to help one of my weeklies today, another from completing those weeklies.

So today proved to be just as busy as my WoWcation. Catching up got put aside to focus on those tasks as there was supposed to be a guild dungeon run in the evening. If I could be ready for that then I could get those final few ilevels and be ready for Sunday.

Except, this guild is perhaps not as organised as me. I logged on early and found they’d already started. And there was now no space.

Now, I accept that as the new guy I’m last on the list. There are friendship groups already there. But I’m normally pretty good in social situations. Indeed, I find I often have to be conscious of not becoming too central rather than being happy to be at the sidelines. It might sound like fun being central in a group, but I am aware that it comes at the price of possibly drowning other people out.

But if I had to list a major character flaw it’s that I hate being invisible.

Yet, here I am, being quiet, and I feel I’m being ignored. And I spent a whole evening waiting for a dungeon, even jumping out of queues when people said they’d be finished, only for them to forget.

I still don’t know these people, and the ones I’ve spoken to seem friendly, but I feel I’ve yet to earn a place as they try to progress. So I become real quiet, which isn’t like me. The last time I was like this was when I started going to conventions.

I’ve changed a lot since then, and yet it’s like I’ve regressed. And then I realise, I’m like an old, less confident version of myself when I play Warcraft.

So whilst I ended the evening both a little pissed off at a wasted evening and a little burnt out from spending a lot of the day doing weeklies, I realise there’s a regressive emotional connection to the game. It’s a safe space, which is why it’s something really good for my mental health and recharging my batteries.

Yes I play it to escape, but it takes me back to a time when I was a different person. A time when anxiety levels were higher, when social situations were harder. When I play WoW, I’m an older version of me, and I think that’s why I struggle with things like ilevel and the Bronto.

I realised that others have got to higher ilevels through working by themselves, creating groups, and actively hunting down gear rather than waiting for someone to offer a place.

It’s made me realise how much I’ve changed in the 16 years the game has been out. I feel I’ve changed for the better and as a result I need to approach the game more as the current me.

I’m feeling the right level of burnt out right about now, but I do still need the final pieces of ilevel before Sunday.