Lazy September – The Climb #585

Tuesday 29^th September 2020

I have to say that I’m feeling a lot of guilt over how ‘lazy’ I’ve been in September. This is the first month since lockdown began where I don’t feel I’ve accomplished anything.

I say ‘lazy’ but a combination of burngeddon and illness has meant my attention has been elsewhere. I could have worked through it if I needed to but I didn’t have any active projects.

I’ve been waiting to hear back about a few things, and so there’s nothing I should have been working on. If ever there was a time to take a break, this was it.

But still, if the pandemic has caused any change in me, it’s the feeling that time is limited. I have so much to do and taking time off seems somewhat a waste.

I’m proud of how I’ve been able to work through this stressful period. I’ve spent many years training myself to work around obstacles, either physical as in being able to write at any location, as well as not letting outside issues influence my productivity.

Which is why, I think, I’m so annoyed about September. There’s a part of me that feels that I should have been able to work through my cold. I didn’t, and as much as I think given the circumstances that was the right call – I am still annoyed at myself.

I see writers who take years to write novels and whilst I’m not going to criticise their timescales, it makes me not want to count amongst them. I could so easily be though. Before I put structure and processes in place I would take forever pantsing my way through a novel. Rewrites and edits also used to take me ages, and it’s taken a lot of work to learn to find the same productivity as I’ve found in my organised first drafts. And it’s not just because I don’t ever want to keep readers waiting elongated periods for a next book, it’s because the pandemic has made me feel vulnerable and mortal, and I want to write a lot of books.

But I also need to learn not to burn myself out. I have to remember that when others are spending their evening playing games or watching TV, I’ve been working. Taking a month off after you’ve done everything and are waiting is not unreasonable. I’m just clawing back some of that time I sacrificed in one big lump.

Perhaps it’s because I feel I’ve found a nice rhythm with my writing. I wasn’t feeling burnt out (though this cold has lasted a lot longer than normal). I didn’t feel like I was really pushing myself during Lockdown. Instead, I’ve spent years learning to be efficient.

There are fulltime writers who release regular books who write 500 words a day. Even hard working professionals rarely say they write for more than 4 hours a day.

I just need to be less hard on myself on taking breaks when ill or waiting on feedback, especially during a pandemic where people’s productivity has taken a hit across the board.

October looms. Perhaps that will be a good time to start on the next project.