Monday 19th February 2018

I was feeling a bit low today.  It looks some plans that were coming together on Friday are now falling apart and as a result I just got myself into a downwards spiral.  It’s not like it’s the end of the world but it certainly felt like it today.
The day job certainly didn’t help.  As part of my role I have to provide out of hours on call cover, with any callouts resulting in overtime.  We have a set way of recording these, which I’ve been doing.  But I got a load of questions about what I was claiming for today.  I really wasn’t in the mood.  If they want to change the way it’s recorded then do that, but don’t question when I’ve done it the way requested.  I wasn’t in a mood to take any crap and basically said that if anyone had a problem, I’d just stop doing on call.
It made me realise (as well as those around me) that the day job is still a source of considerable stress.  Ordinarily, this on its own would have been enough to set me on a downwards spiral.  I want a book deal, and want one with enough to quit work but not too much that I can’t sell through.  Getting all of those is highly unlikely.  In fact more than highly unlikely.  But I’m due feedback on Black as Knight fairly soon, hopefully this week, and so that one probably saved me today.  That or I was already in too much of a major funk to get any lower.
Luckily a friend came over this evening and cheered me up.  Sometimes,  I just need a laugh.  I’m not normally a negative person but we all have off days and I’d just made the situation worse by falling into the trap of one negative thought leading to another and another.
After weeks of saying there was always something to watch on Netflix… we found nothing.  We ended up watching a Brazilian Sci-Fi called 3%.  I have to admit to not being a fan.  The 3 episodes we’ve watched so far seem to have been filmed in a convention centre only to be explained away.  For example, a locker storage room becomes a dorm, only for one character to make mention that the room has been turned into a makeshift dorm.  And let’s not talk about the costumes!  Most look like blouses that have been reversed and turned inside out, with a sleeve cut off or some terrible slits being made to give the impression of some universal fashion style.
My friend said he was getting into it… I thought it was dire!
I guess you win some and you loose some.
However, most importantly, laughing at how terrible it was helped lighten my mood.
Whether I’ll still be in as such a good mood when my agent comes back to me on Black as Knight, I don’t know.  I’m hoping it’ll be this week but publishing always moves slow, so I’m trying not to think about it in case that’s not how it pans out and I end up sending myself into another downwards spiral.
If you want to follow more of my journey, then be sure to check me on my social channels.  Likewise, if you’d like me to expand on any point mentioned above, please say so in the comments.

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