Thursday 15th February 2018

I am a bad patient.  I know I have to give my finger time to heal.  It’s slowly getting there and I’m glad I’ve been sensible.  But at the same time, I’m a little frustrated.
Not having 101 requests for things to be done for swordfighting is incredibly relaxing.  I think the dues stuff really burnt me out.  But no-one has been sending me images for the website and I’ve not been chasing.
I’m supposed to be covering teaching next week, but I see they’ve asked for someone else to cover.  It’s sensible but at the same time, I feel a little removed.
And so I can’t help but feel a little lazy.  I feel like I need to get everything in gear and start knocking tasks off.  I think I’ve become too content, too comfortable… and I’m not sure if I like it.
I knew this year would be about making priorities, about choosing x over y, but I feel in the process, I’ve lost a lot of my drive.  On one hand things are moving forwards.  I’m going to the gym despite my hand injury (although I have to work round the problem), I’ve got the draft of book 2 done and feedback back,  and I’ve chased up book 1 whilst gathering ideas for book 3.  So it’s not like nothing is getting done.
But I had an entire evening free this evening.  I could have worked on a short story.  Or I could have done some plot work on book 3.  But instead I dabbled in Warcraft, I did some mission in EVE, I watched a terrible Godzilla anime.  Did any of this actually achieve anything productive?
I finish the night trying to do a couple of swordfighting tasks that have come my way but doing them I start to feel stressed.
I need to remind myself that I am injured and that I still cannot even type with my bad finger.  Taking it easy with the finger for now is probably the right thing to do.  It’s probably OK to just chill out, dabble with things and watch movies.
I guess I’m just frustrated that my priorities this year seems to be more about doing less rather than working smarter.
As I said to my mum on the phone today, I’m just at a stage where both my swordfighting and writing are in a lull – the swordfighting because of the finger, the writing because I’m waiting back on feedback.  And these things combined have just made me feel like I’m being lazy rather than doing something sensible like prioritising the finger and my return to health.
And this is why I’m a lousy patient:  because I get grumpy if I’m doing stuff that makes things hurt, and I get bored if I’m not doing anything.  I’m pretty much convinced that I’ll go sparring on Sunday just to test out the hand and then go from there as to whether I pull out my competitions or not.
If you want to follow more of my journey, then be sure to check me on my social channels.  Likewise, if you’d like me to expand on any point mentioned above, please say so in the comments.

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