Writing is still going well, although the volume of editing I have this month has caused me to slow down a little.  Illness and the day job have also meant I’ve not been able to write as much as I would like.  I was getting a bit down about it until I realised that this month alone, I’ve already written nearly 35,000 words.
It’s not a race I remind myself.  I’m working hard and efficient on the things I want to be writing well. That’s all that matters.

However, a small mental spanner in the works came in the form of good news.  A couple of my friends got the fantastic news of some BSFA award nominations.  Ruth is up for best short story and Neil is up for best novel.
I can’t even begin to tell you how pleased I am for both of them.  Both are great people who are amazingly talented.  And I may be completely biased but they deserve to win.  Please check out their work!
But there’s a weird thing that you’ll find as a writer.  You get jealous.  Yeah, sometimes, you’ll see someone who you either think a bit of dick or you don’t think has much talent, get lauded or see success.  And because we are all human and all have weaknesses and egos, it’s really easy to fall into the trap of thinking they didn’t deserve to receive that accolade or success.  Then what happens is it eats away at you until you get bitter and cynical.
I was lucky in that I was warned about this as a young writer and so I’ve been very guarded against it.  Just because someone’s a dick doesn’t mean they’re not talented.  And their success might be something they’ve fought long and hard for.
So I don’t tend to get jealous of those types of people.  I knocked that shit out of me very early on thankfully.
But seeing friends succeed, people who I felt completely deserving blindsided me a little.  Do I think them deserving?  More than you could know.  Am I jealous?  Yeah, I hate to admit it but I am.
Part of the reason for my Year of Hard Work is this feeling in me that Leggedon nearly derailed my writing career.  I feel behind where I think I should be.  I’ve noticed some people (people I’d put in the dicks category) have written me off as a writer.  It’s little things, social things, that I probably read WAY too much into.  But amongst friends I’ve seen people around me grow and succeed whilst I feel I’ve stayed still.
It’s a complete character flaw I realise.  It’s not like I want people to be less successful.  My issue isn’t their growth, their talent or the speed of it.  I genuinely think my friends are more talented than me.  My issue is my own perceived lack of growth.  Fuck, getting awards isn’t even high on my personal success wishlist.  They’d be great, but it’s not like I’m chasing them or anything.  So why the hell am I getting jealous?
I’ve guarded myself against the evil of envy but I left myself open to this line of attack, and it’s only in the last week I’ve realised.
At some point in your writing career it’s going to happen, you will get jealous of someone’s else’s success.  Sometimes it’s people you don’t feel deserved it, sometimes  (as I have found out this past week) it’s people you do.
The best thing you can do is admit it to yourself and then smack that shit out of you… hard.  Even, *ahem*, if that means writing a blog post about what a dumbass you are.
It’s not a race I remind myself.  I’m working hard and efficient on the things I want to be writing well. That’s all that matters.