I suck.
No, truly I do!
I’ve finally worked out why the editing on the novel is going so slowly.
I’d initially put it down to being inexperienced at proper editing. I’ve been lucky that in non-fiction I can get to a publishable version inside a single draft, but that means I’ve never had to sit down and really think over the words. I suspect that my initial draft isn’t bad, but “isn’t bad” isn’t an option, the prose needs to sparkle.
And to be fair I’ve worked hard, harder than I ever have on a piece of fiction before, and as a result it’s taken time. That’s fine, I have time.
But as I’ve got closer and closer to the end, I’ve noticed my productivity wane to the point that it’s almost non-existant. I mean I think about the story all the time, I’m just not doing a lot of editing.
And then it struck me earlier this week as to why. I’m scared.
I’ve put blood, sweat and tears into this novel, and if I’m honest I think it’s pretty good. Don’t get me wrong, the prose needs work for it to sparkle, but the plot, the characters – give or take a tweak here and there – pretty much work. But what if it isn’t any good?
There’ll be those that hate it, and I’m fine with that so long as it’s a case of the book not being for them. What I’d hate, what I’m scared of is the prose letting the story down. Worse still, what if it’s universally thought to be a bad book?
And this is why I suck. Because I’m being irrational. Because I know that it can’t be a universally disliked novel because people have read parts of it and have been very complimentary. And worse still, I know this is just me being stupid and I just need to power through it, get the book out there, and if it’s not good enough get on with the next. Seriously, people don’t need to tell me this. It’s not like I don’t have a dozen book ideas at any one time. Why can I not follow my own advice?
So all this subconscious procrastination is just me being stupid and irrational. And this is after a week where I’ve thought to myself that I need to be more positive about my stuff. All I can do is look at myself in the mirror and roll my eyes.