Friday 22nd January 2021
I feel I’ve weathered the pandemic pretty well. I have plenty of activities to keep me busy round the house: from working through to writing to gaming to one day finishing gluing all the Shadows of Brimstone miniatures I have. I have my support bubble and get to spend part of the day with company. I have social media and telephone to keep in touch with friends and loved ones further afield. And I have shops close by that allow me to get essential goods.
Whilst others have gone and done things, I’ve been a bit of a hermit; so much so that when lockdowns have returned or restrictions increased, they’ve made absolutely no difference to me.
Have I missed going places and doing things? Certainly, but not enough for it to bother me more than a continuous low-level anxiety that makes my productivity sporadic.
I don’t know what kicked it off but I was doing some food shopping and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I’ve had anxiety attacks in the past to know them when they are happening. I was able to rationalise with myself but I needed to be out of that shop and back home and out of my mask.
It meant I’ve felt funky for the rest of the day, and yet even hours later I’m still no clearer what kicked it off. It was almost as if after months of feeling relatively OK, my brain had gone “Nope, I’m done with this pandemic now”
I wonder if it’s because I’ve cut back on Warcraft a bit this week. Getting away from everything for an hour or so definitely helps my mental health, but perhaps it helps more than I thought.
I’ll be OK tomorrow, and to be honest, loads of people have had it far worse. But I’m being kind to myself and going to take it easy over the weekend. There’s a guild raid tomorrow night that whilst I don’t need gear from it, will force me to socialise and play games. And we have our proper raid on Sunday night. There’s also a Pokemon Go event on Sunday so that’s something to look forward to.
I plan to have a very chill weekend and hope this is what I think it is: a momentary blip.
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