Friday 25th December 2020

We tend to get to the last day of the year and think back over the past 365 days, reviewing what life twists and turns we’ve experienced, whilst looking forward to the new start that a new year brings.

Except this year there’s no restart.  There’s no clear slate, no new season, come 1st January 2021.  I think some people try to look at 2020 as the worst year ever, and whilst I think 2021 will be a bit brighter, the first half of it is going to be very tough.

And because I can’t see family this year, and haven’t seen them since Xmas last year, I find myself on Xmas thinking back over the past 12 months.

I’ll save my end of year review for the 31st, but there’s a realisation today that 2020 will bleed into 2021.

I’ve had a great day today.  I thought the logistics of Xmas, coupled with missing people, would cause it to have moments of tension, but whilst there is a slight underlying of sadness, the majority of it has been spent feeling chill.

I suppose because the focus of Xmas this year has been on the meal rather than on people and gifts, it’s meant that many of the usual Xmas stresses have gone away.  We had more than enough food for a load of people (as C did a meal for his neighbour who is on their own) and have spent the day looking forward to and then enjoying the food.

Because we over prepared, it’s meant there’s no guilt if anyone wants another drink or more meat, or snacks.  They’ll last not only for Xmas but into next week as well.

Obviously, I’ve forgotten about work.  Whilst I’ve had times off (such as for Shadowlands launch), work is always in the back of my mind.

For an Xmas in a shitty, stressful year.  It has been remarkably chill.  I got in touch with more people than I usually do, spending most of the morning sending seasons greetings to family and friends, speaking to some for the first time in ages.

In a year that has forced so many people apart, making those connections today has been important to me.  I miss a lot of people and I’m usually a terrible person for keeping touch… but I did today and it made the day a little easier.

There’s still plans that pandemic permitting, we’re going to have a big Xmas / birthdays party in the summer with family, but I suspect that I might like to catch up with friends as well, be that 2021 or 2022.

I ended up having a lovely day, probably the most peaceful of the year.  I ate good food, spoke to friends and loved ones, and just chilled out. And yet, try as I might – and I think I did a good job – there was always that undercurrent of sadness.  Not enough to spoil the day but to remind you that whilst this was a good day, it was making the best of a bad situation and far from perfect.

Roll on to future Xmases where the world might be a brighter and safer place.

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Past Years: 2019 – The Year of Soldiering Through | 2018 – The Year of Priorities | 2017 – The Year Of The Offensive