Friday 23rd February 2018

I feel like everything is coming to a head.  You know in those apocalyptic movies where all the signs of the impending cataclysm align?  Well, that seems to be my life right now.
You see, I’m due feedback on my latest round of rewrites on Black as Knight.  I’m hoping that this is the last round before we go off to market, and whilst I can’t be sure… we must at least be close.  Personal relationships feel they are moving forwards.  And then there’s the day job.
I got offered a promotion today and I’m a little conflicted about it.  For at least the last 10 plus years I’ve sacrificed my career in order to minimise my stress.  Less stress equals more words, and I’ve proved that in recent years with the day job negatively impacting my word count.  I’ve never played the corporate game, because I think I would be good at it… and not like the person it would make me.
Writing as a career is a dream, and I’m under no illusion that it’s one few people have ever managed to achieve.  But I have a good book, I have a great agent and I couldn’t be in a better position to make it happen.
Which is why I’m conflicted.  On one hand this day job opportunity could be my dream role.  Speaking to my manager, I could pretty much go into it and shape the role to match my vision of how I think it should be done.  Apparently, my response to a major incident where I just assumed control and made an entire division look good impressed a lot of people.  But as I said to my boss, it’s no different what I do working solely on a customer account.
But… do I want the stress?  Do I want change?  Sometimes it’s better the devil you know.  Promises are one thing, but how long before some stupid company policy or new micro manager means I’m even more frustrated in my new role that I was in my current one.
And what if I do start it, it demands more time of me, and I need to step up my writing when I get a deal that doesn’t allow me to give up work?
There’s also the scenario where I accept it only to get a huge deal that allows me to quit.  Admittedly unlikely, but not outside the realms of possibility.
This is the year of priorities and yet again, I find myself having to make a decision on my future.
I’ve got the tournament this weekend (although hunting for my friend’s lost cat this evening probably means I now have a cold).  I intend to go to bed early so I can be rested ahead of competition tomorrow but I have a lot to think about.
So many things are changing right now, just when I’m feeling frustrated with lack of progress.  I need to make the right decisions based not on my short-term frustrations but my long term aims.  This feels like a delicate balancing act, and one I feel I’m going to get wrong.
If you want to follow more of my journey, then be sure to check me on my social channels.  Likewise, if you’d like me to expand on any point mentioned above, please say so in the comments.

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