Tuesday 19th December 2017

I’ve started feeling a bit better the last couple of days.  Sunday’s low day just made me realise just how run down I was.
Looking back I can see just how swamped with tasks I’ve been since the end of August.  I found myself getting stressed out in September when it was supposed to be my month off, and really the level of stress to get everything done has not subsided since.
Tournaments certainly take it out of me both mentally and physically and I’m only just starting to understand to what degree and how long I need to give myself to recover.  But on top of this I’ve had swordfighting practise, swordfighting blog updates, swordfighting dues (and the endless number of enquiries I get on that), webpage updates for the English Sidesword Tournament and Wessex League, gym, social media updates, food and nutrition, hospital appointments and a book that needs editing.
That’s not even thinking about the stress of waiting to hear back about the first novel.
I’ve not done anything over the last week or so.  Even The Climb has been late going out.  I’ve taken a couple of weeks off everything swordfighting related and have spent time with friends instead.
It’s telling that I’m constantly having to fight the guilt of not having done things.  I worry that I need to tell people on things that need to be done (mainly to do with swordfighting dues) and instantly notice my stress levels rising.
I’ve already said I’m cutting back next year.  I stress about money at the best of times so I won’t be doing the dues.  I said I’d help for a time but it’s been 6 months now and it’s just adding massively to my stress.  I actually don’t mind doing the blog updates so I’ll keep doing those.
The result of the act of letting go for a couple of weeks is that now I’ve had my mini-meltdown I feel a lot better.  I try not to think about some things as it only results in my stress levels rising, but I realise just how burnt out I was.
What’s nice is that I’ve found it much easier to focus on book 2 as a result.  Over the last couple of days I’ve found myself making more productive progress on the editing.  It’s feeling enjoyable rather than just another task I must get done.
This year has been incredibly hectic and my takeaway from it all is that if I’m going to work at this level, it’s totally fine but I need times when I down tools.  I’m guilty of using a break on one thing to try and clear a backlog on something else.  I need to prioritise me.  I need to be more coordinated so that come next year, for example, I can just say I’m taking December off, and that means from everything.
I’m still formulating my plans for 2018 but I don’t doubt they’ll be just as busy.  I just need to be smarter how I work, learn better how my body reacts under stress and take the appropriate measures.  2018 could be a huge year for me and I don’t want to ruin it for myself by burning out at the wrong times.
If you want to follow more of my journey, then be sure to check me on my social channels.  Likewise, if you’d like me to expand on any point mentioned above, please say so in the comments.

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