Saturday 6th March 2021
A Pokemon Go community day is just the sort of distraction I need right now. Unfortunately whilst Fletchling is an interesting choice, there’s not much use for it outside of PvP and so it wasn’t one I was really motivated to collect all day.
I’m naturally in a very shitty mood right now. Part of me is panicking about what to do now, whilst another part of me is trying to calm myself by mentally pointing at all the other things I’m working on. I’m a real mix of emotions at the moment and not good company.
It’s not like I wasn’t prepared. I’d been saying to friends for months that it was a possible shitty outcome. Heck, I’d organised my whole year to work on new projects. But there’s a large part of me that thinks how long I’ve been going at this and how little I have to show for it.
I’m not going to lie, there’s a big part of me that just wants to give up. It’s not that I can’t handle rejection. I have a good process for that which involves giving myself time to be as miserable as I like for a given time. There’s just a part of me that sees some of the failures of publishing as a business. The vast majority of people are genuinely lovely but I’ve seen author friends get completely screwed over by publishing, and not for any malicious reason.
But there are days when I feel I get all the bad luck, and none of the good. And that drags me down.
So I’ve just opted to keep myself off social media for a time and be miserable. I’ve got a call with my agent next week where we’ll discuss things going forwards.
In the meantime, keeping myself busy with other things is important. The problem is that everything I enjoy doing seems to be linked to that book. Comics are ruined for me right now. As are books. I even need to be careful about which TV programmes I watch.
My plan is to glue a few more of my Shadows of Brimstone miniatures in the next few weeks.
Recover. Regroup. And then decide what’s next.
In the meantime: I’ll catch Fletchlings and pretend like they’re going to be useful to me in the future.
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