Friday 10th November 2017

This has seemed like a long week.  I still feel exhausted after Swordfish.

Whilst I’ve been getting the normal amount of sleep I’m not feeling refreshed when I wake up.  I have a tiredness that goes beyond pure sleep and I’ve been feeling drained all week.   Infact it goes back all the way to Wessex Reading.

I can’t remember who suggested it to me but it’s probable that it’s being caused by the expenditure of adrenaline.  I need to research what happens when you expend all your adrenaline and how you go about replacing whatever it is that is needed to return you back to status quo.

But as a result, I don’t feel like I’m achieving much at the moment.

I didn’t work on the novel today which annoys me greatly.  I really need to step up the work so I can get this draft done, but as I said in a previous edition I’m feeling a little demotivated at the moment.

This could also be tied into the who adrenaline thing.  I’ve heard many swordfighters say that after a big tournament they have a couple of weeks where they don’t want to swordfight at all.  I kinda get that, although my good performance has motivated me to at least not take this week off.

But seeing as the swordfighting and the writing seems intertwined perhaps this has manifested itself in my writing rather than my swordfighting.

What makes it especially infuriating is that I’ve had a writing opportunity come up.

One of my big bugbears is people not taking advantage of opportunities when they come up.  All too often, fear of failure causes people to pass these up.  It annoys the hell out of me, because undoubtedly these same people then moan that others have all the luck.

And here I am not taking full advantage of this opportunity and really pissed off with myself.  Instead of spending the evening getting some documents together I’ve just wasted it doing nothing.  I have quite a busy weekend but need to put something together for Sunday night.

This wouldn’t be a problem if I was feeling rested.  I’d burn the midnight oil, be productive and get everything done.  Instead I’m restless and lethargic in a way that feels like an illness rather than exhaustion.

Maybe I’m being hard on myself.  I spent all year working towards Swordfish and with two tournaments in just 7 days it’s no wonder I’m exhausted.  But I don’t do well taking time off.  I never know what to do with myself and always end up feeling like I wasted the time.

I just need to make sure I don’t waste any more time this weekend.

If you want to follow more of my journey, then be sure to check me on my social channels.  Likewise, if you’d like me to expand on any point mentioned above, please say so in the comments.

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