So for the last month or so I’ve been in a kind of limbo. The novel was completed and sent out for professional appraisal. It was a huge milestone to have finally reached that stage and for the first few weeks there was relief mixed with a feeling of emptiness.
But then I started to think, what would the appraisal say? Would it say that I’d written a publishable novel or that I just wasn’t there yet? Because of a lot of other things going on, I thought the best thing to do was just to dream. It’s funny because people who’ve never read any of my stuff look at me like I’m crazy when I say I want to write books. Yes, it’s an incredibly hard market, but it’s not like I haven’t made inroads.
But still there’s always the worry that perhaps I’m fooling myself. Perhaps I can’t write, perhaps my characters are wooden. It took Adam Christopher at Eastercon to remind me I’d placed a story in a recognised publication for a highly respected editor… so it’s not like I was without any talent.
Despite all my worry, there is a shred of confidence. I’ve started on Book 2, because whilst I know book 1 will need some work, I don’t believe that it is unsalvageable. Perhaps that’s just arrogance.
Less than 30 minutes ago to be precise, my professional appraisal has arrived. Opinion from a real, respected, award-winning author. It feels like a major milestone. Such a major milestone that I need to compose myself before I read it; that I need to write a blogpost capturing my dreams and fears before everything changes. This is where I find out whether I’m any good or not. Dreams could die here (yes, it’s all very melodramatic but I am a writer).
Oh crap. Please let it be good news